Long Nights

I have currently been awake for 36 hours now, roughly. I don't usually pull all-nighters, but due to the blizzard, classes were canceled on Wednesday and so I ended up doing no homework and instead built a snow sculpture. Of course when I looked out my window this morning someone had destroyed it. After having my legs go numb and my hands become frozen, I was pretty pissed, but I got over it. Anyway, the point is that I actually pulled an all-nighter. It's my first one of the school year. I managed to always be able to sleep last term but not this time. I know I have time management issues and by procrastinating, I only make my situation worse for myself. Still, there are just so many distractions in life that I can't seem to get rid of. These distractions are necessarily bad ones though. It's not like I spend my nights underage drinking in an alcohol-free dorm, unlike some other people I could mention. Sure it's fun the first time, but why is it necessary to do it every weekend?

What do people see in it? Is having a hangover some amazing experience that I just have to go through? I don't think so. I'm perfectly fine not drinking and wasting my time doing dumbass things.

I envy people who have the drive to get things done. You know, those people who come straight back from class and can get straight to homework and can continuously work on it until dinner or bedtime. The moment I get back to the room, I hope on the computer to release the frustration and stress from classes that day and then I slowly get to homework sometime during the night. It's not exactly a great way to spend my time, but somehow I always manage to get things done. I admit that sometimes the work I produce seems half-assed and at first I didn't mind, but now I do. I don't want to be that girl who half-asses works when she could do so much better because she has a procrastination problem. I just need proper drive. I need incentive. What better incentive is there than the fear of letting people down? The frustration of knowing that other people are doing better than me when I know I can do better. It makes me want to scream and claw at them, even though I know its fault.

Funny thing is, I'm saying this and yet I know it's not as if I'll wake up tomorrow morning and stop procrastinating. It's not like I'll fix my horrible habits by tomorrow. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever be able to fix them. I'm just not a patient enough person to wait and therefore I tend to give up even before I properly begin.