Change.

Today I found myself doubting my choices. My choice to double major in Communication Design and Literary Studies. The Design part I don't doubt. I don't think I could ever doubt. It's as if design has been permanently ingrained into every fiber of my being. It's the writing part that gets me. I'm confident about design and my abilities but I can't say the same about my written works. I don't know what direction I'm heading with that. I know when I was younger I always dreamed of being a writer. I wanted to create great novels like Tolkein or Austen. Writing that lived through decades, even centuries, but maybe I'm just a reader. Maybe I'm just a person who likes to pick up these sort of novels. And maybe I'm just an imaginary. I only like to imagine these great works I could write because I do. I have all these ideas for novels, but I can't ever seem to sit down and piece my ideas together into proper sentences or paragraphs. Plus, the way I think about these stories end up coming up in a film-like state. So then I thought, maybe I should go into screenwriting. But if I do, that still doesn't mean I get to direct my scenes the way I want them to. So then is being a director what I want?

At The New School, they expect you to choose your major before your second year. At the age where most of its students are 18 or 19. We're at the cusp of our youth. How do they expect us to know what we want to do or to be in ten years from now? Dreams change. People change. Our desires and situations change.

Right now I wish I was still that child who drew crude drawings of Sailor Moon on manila paper with big dreams of being the best artist and writer.

When did that change?